Land Shark!

Ok, so I last posted about a year ago. But this was just too good not to share. Believe it or not, this is the edited version. Typos, etc. intact because I don't have any more time to commit to this.


me: http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/shark-copy.jpg

8:56 AM SuperAly: will he make it?

me: ahahahaah

8:57 AM if you chop sylar in half. And half is swallowed by a shark, and the other half makes the jump.....do you have TWO Sylars? One in a shark stomach, and one on the ocean floor?

SuperAly: hrm

or must they have their powers combined to form captain planet?

wait, wrong show.

me: he bonds WITH the shark

interesting

he no longer blinks

he has rows of teeth

8:58 AM SuperAly: and becomes ... gasp.... A LAND SHARK

me: and he can't stop moving or he stops breathing

SuperAly: its like SPEED meets DEEP BLUE [Sea]

me: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to....wherever he is.

AMAZING

SuperAly: he haunts you even in the bathroom

im just saying. toilets aren't safe anymore

9:44 AM

me: I keep trying to work, then thinking, THIS MAY, ZACHARY QUINTO IS Land Skark! IN LAND SHARK and laughing

9:45 AM SuperAly: HAHAHAHAHHAHA

LAND SHARK, grows on you like cancer

Dr. D: I can see the teaser poster....nothing but a dorsal fin on a dark background and SUMMER 2011 in giant letters

me: HEE.
SuperAly: and no title

9:49 AM Dr. D: then, of course, there's the viral marketing campaign, which will in part riff off the evolution of man drawings http://www.infoplease.com/images/evolution_of_man.gif

little drawings of evolving sharkmen popping up

9:49 AM SuperAly: brizzilliant

SuperAly: or that viral marketing from

9:50 AM discovery channel

for shark week

where the chick is all waving

as she is in the water

and clinging to the side fo the kayak

and then BAM

me: they should release it DURING shark week

SuperAly: she's under

IN CONJUNCTION WITH

9:51 AM have a dressing room scene

where the girl is trying on a white dress (of course)

and you see the curtain

and this awkward shadow swiftly move across it

then you realize..

ITS THE LAND SHARk

and all hear is screaming and blood stained white dressed

dress

me: duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh, WE"RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER LAND MASS

9:52 AM

Dr. D: YES

9:51 AM I see Kristen Bell as the former friend tasked to bring him down

me: this is soooo much better than the stalkerazzi short story that's been bouncing around in my head the last week

Dr. D: We'll pair her with some decent looking guy that can sustain significant injury at the end of the second act

9:52 AM me: In the end, she kills Land Shark, but not before realizing he still loved her.
Dr. D: DUDE....last shot, we glimpse [KB], who LandShark got with before going full fishy, who is now pregnant, thus preserving the sequel and giving us the sequel teaser poster of a bare pregnant belly with the outline of a shark fin pressing outward

9:53 AM 2014: Land Shark 2! Curse of the Land Shark!

Land Shark 3: Mermaid's Purse!

SuperAly: but its like a werewolf thing

where he only becomes a land shark

if he gets wet with salt water?

so more like a gremlin thing

me: when dry

opposite Splash thing

SuperAly: mm

so he always carries around a jar of water

9:55 AM with his hand in it

and one day some dumb kid breaks the jar

and unleashes...

THE LAND SHARK
Dr. D: We could have a part of the film where he tries to escape his cursed heritage by traveling the world from monsoon season to monsoon season

9:57 AM

Dr. D: only to accept his curse and terroize the desert

me: diet coke

all over my desk

Dr. D: =)

SuperAly: and meeting with individuals of great scientific knowledge.

or

it could be like

the end of shawn of the dead

where we find land shark chained u p

and playing with sea monkeys

9:58 AM SuperAly: ha

LAND SHARK: The MUSICAL

OMG

instead of the song "under the sea"

itd be something like "oh desert, my desert"

me: darling it's better up where it's dryer

drier

10:00 AM ICE SHARK: The Skating Spectacular

10:01 AM Starring Brian Boitano! In the role made famous by Zachary Quinto! Come see Land Skark ON ICE

10:12 AM SuperAly:

up wheres its hotter

SuperAly: under the big sun

ON THE DESERT

10:13 AM

SuperAly: hrm

10:14 AM OH OH OH

there could be a little lion king 'circle of life in there'

should land shark have a land shark granpa?

do they like bacon?

10:15 AM me: of course they like bacon.

SuperAly: excelelnt

we will reach a wide audience

me: I thought he bonded with the shark

SuperAly: get this

THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME ITS HAPPENED BEFORE

kinda like buffy

if a slayer dies

one takes its place

so like

the previous land shark only TEMPORARILY DIED

10:16 AM me: so now he has a Land Shark Yoda?

Kill or kill not, there is no try.

SuperAly: mmm

no.

they are in gasp

COMPETITION

then they bond

me: for who can be the greatest LS?

and fall in LOVE?!

SuperAly: after a fierce struggle for dominance

10:17 AM me: bow chicka bow wow.

I MEAN

SuperAly: theres a total "i love you man" scene in there somewhere

me: exactly.

so who's OG LS played by?

SuperAly: im thinking anthony hopkins

or ralph fienes

me: WHAT?

ahahahaha

SuperAly: you do realize that this will be greater than homer's odyessy

well i mean ralph fienes or hopkins would lend credibility to the film

helen muren can play his mom or some shit

10:19 AM

er mirren

me: AHAHA

me: =)

10:26 AM Land Shark 2: Son of Shark

10:28 AM Land Shark 3: Sand Shark

10:29 AM Helen Mirren is the Marine Biologist KB fgoers to for advice

10:30 AM Sam Jackson is gonna have to make a cameo

10:34 AM i think the comptetition storyline should be saved for the inevitable reboot

10:37 AM SuperAly: LAND SHARK ORIGINS

excuse me

LAND SHARK: ORIGINS

me: =D

10:42 AM me: Land Shark 47: Shark Fever! It;'s in the water!

10:43 AM =D

SuperAly: HAHAH

10:46 AM

SuperAly: LAND SHARK

DUN DUN DUN DUn

10:49 AM OMG

theme song

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/fang-landshark-lyrics.html

10:50 AM or

i submit

song 2:

http://www.mp3lyrics.org/e/endless-struggle/land/

me: WOW

10:51 AM SuperAly: YESSSSSS

10:52 AM epic find

10:58 AM me: Land Shark

gets you wet?

SuperAly: hehehhehehehe

thats the porno title

10:59 AM LAND SHARK: Big Fin Fantasies

me: get ready to get wet

SuperAly: dive right in

11:00 AM what the fuck is wrong with us?

me: we're AWESOME?

SuperAly: true dat.

11:01 AM me: =)

SuperAly: hehehe

yay land sharks

http://www.bearsharktopus.com/

11:04 AM me: =)

I feel the need to design like a neighborhoodie with LAND SHARK and like an anchor or something on it

SuperAly: id buy it

11:05 AM me: =)

Mooby The Golden Calf

Apparently, all is mellow when you just wait for the calf to grow up, THEN worship at it.

'69 Chevy

So, last night on on NPR (liberal elitist rant coming up =P), they were doing this story about this old drive-in. Now, apparently, back in the day (not sure which), it was a porn theater. A porn drive-in.

Anyway, recently, the property was bought by some church, apparently because you haven't seen Davey and Goliath until you've seen Davey and Goliath on the JumboTron.

Anyway, when they took ownership of the property, they found BOXES and BOXES of porn. Which, ha! So, they burned it. Because they're a church and they don't want anyone having any fun. The priest is talking about how, they are a moral organization and they don't want anyone seeing that kind of thing. Which, how did you know it was porn unless you watched it, genius? For all you know, that was conclusive proof of who shot Kennedy and where Hoffa is buried. Now look what you've done.

Anyway, the interviewer, whose name is escaping me, fully called him out on Nazis burning books, and what, prey tell, is the difference, HMMMM?! And he blathered moralistically for a while without answering the question, mostly boiling down to the fact that they didn't wan anyone to see it, so what else were they gonna do with it, which, uh, Porn/Erotica historians and/or people who study sexuality, DUH.

Whatever. But it got me thinking. I mean, our justice system has tried (and FAILED) to distinguish a bright line between what is porn and what is art; what is prurient and what is pure. And there is no line. Because things by definitions cross over that line in either direction depending on the mores of the time, and whether or not you happen to agree with the point of view of the artist/producer of the piece. I'm not going so far as to say all porn is art, but if we can't actually define the difference between the nudes painted for supposedly artistic purposes and porn, then what's to say they didn't just burn the porn Mona Lisa? Like, maybe in 3000 years this will be like that Greek poet of which we have like 3 lines, but he was universally considered by his contemporaries as the greatest master of the form.

I dunno. Just thoughts. You know.

Frankenstein's Monster

There are like 80 things I've been meaning to post about, so I'm gonna do all the ones I can remember in short form:

-->Johnny Depp as Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin. Oh, Alfred, baby, don't be so mean! Catwoman, Catwoman, Angelina as Catwoman!

-->True Blood was alright. A definite improvement from the books, and I'll be sticking around, if only for Lafayette, who is not in the first book, but who (I think this quote belongs to TWOP) someone called the skinny, violent , sexually aggressive child of every weird Shakespeare character. Oh hell yes. I really, really, really hate how everyone feels the need to way melodramatically over-enunciate the word "vampire," though. If they've been in the public eye for two years, you'd think the shine would have worn off by now.

-->Wait, you mean the movie ratings board is total bullshit? Say it ain't so!

--Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles live together. I don't know why you would care, but there it is.

-->I'm TiVo-ing Fringe tonight because, depending on how I feel later, this might be call for a TV Raid.

There's more, mostly having to do with the mythic amounts of feminist rage i have over Palin, but I'm just gonna let it go. I'm sure there's other stuff I forgot to mention, but whatever.

That's Cause It's Fun

Ok, I'm sorry, but this is hilarious.

First of all, they don't specify that they are referencing the song, so on its face, it prohibits ALL kissing of girls. Meaning of course, kissing of guys is totally acceptable. Let the gay times roll.


But then, Nemesis and I cracked the code. Dean is using the church billboard to communicate from BEYOND THE VEIL. And by veil I mean being chained up in Hell for the last few months. (Two more weeks to get on the bandwagon, bitches! The season premiere cometh!)

Anyway.


[Source.]

I Wanna Meet Barry

heeeee.

Bring It On, Scofield

Dude, and no one is more surprised than me but, Prison Break is sort of getting good again. We'll see how the second hour of the premiere goes.......



In completely unrelated news, the best topper to the holiday weekend was definitely the house to myself, a bottle of wine, and the second half of Season 1 of Veronica Mars. My heart still races when Lilly's killer is revealed, and I know what happens. God, that show was good.



Also, fuck Fringe. Still.